Santa of The Doublewides

 

AKA (Christmas Fun)

It was the night before Christmas, and all around the hills.

The deer were still eating the bark off the tree's, right before two were spotlighted in the cool winter breeze.

The empty Redman pouches were hung by the chimney with care. With hopes that Saint Nick, would leave a fresh  box there.

Then about midnight, what did I hear?  It was my cousin Roy stumbling down the steps, after 16 beers. 

With me in just my cap and mom in her leppard skins, I sprang to my feet, I said that's it, I've had enough of that drunken deadbeat.

 

Just then, outside of my double wide, I heard slay bells so near, I thought Budweiser's clydesdales were delivering my neighbors usual Amazon beer.

But to my dismay, it was 8 tiny reindeer just pulling a slay.

I reached for my shotgun and took aim on one, then realized...I hadn't loaded my gun.

As I turned to find my 12 gauge shells, again the sound, of the tinkling of bells.

Then right there before me as big as day, stood that jolly old elf, my wife's uncle Ray, Ray's a midget. 

Seems that Ray had shot the real Santa Claus, purely by mistake, taking him for a burglar, cause Ray sits up late. 

Santa had appeared in Ray's camper without even a knock, 

forgetting Ray carries a pistol, and bang, Santa was shot.

 So Ray overwhelmed with grief and remorse, had decided to finish Santa's jolly course. Seems that Santa had deputized him just before he died, and made Ray the Santa of those who live in doublewides.

 He said that Christmas magic would return Santa next year, but until then, he was now Santa round here. About then, he let out a cackle so piercing it would curl your toes, as he hopped to his slay and there he arose.

He called to the reindeer one by one, on Buford, on Elmer, on Cletus and Mo, away Bubba, away Junior away Cyrus and Bo.

 But just before he disappeared completely out of sight, I heard him loudly declare...slow down you mangy reindeer or I'm gonna puke up here!

Sure enough, Christmas magic returned Santa that next year. 

But to this day, he still knocks when he comes around here.